im so easily swayed . but at least not by you .
that would be , suidical .
same old story , but this time , with a whole new , stronger me .
pretty amazed that my friend asked me that peculiar question today .
since when was she so okay about talking about it .
anyway , ask and you shall be answered . yup , as long as , your questions are worth answering of course . hahaha.
so now i know , i must admit im pretty stupid . right pam ?
i am indeed , the ONLY stupid girl who stupidly fell for her .
i cant believe that im THAT WEAK.
oh well , no matter , nothing about it matters anymore .
now , i've learnt to listen to my friends , to what others have to say .. to the anchors of my pathetic sanity .cause after all , its what they all say that keeps me sane. or maybe , its what they say that keeps me INSANE ?
what is it with people and self denial ? i was thinking about it alot . and , the question was , why deny ? the biggie was , why deny , why lie TO YOURSELF? i mean , i really didnt get why the hell i was lying to MYSELF . its like , i am probably the person I trust the most . and , I am lying to
MYSELF?pretty ridiculous huh ? its all in the mind . maybe i can control what i feel after all ... maybe , this is all just one big lie because of
everyone else and what
everyone else thinks . i found out that i dont have time for myself anymore .. no hannah time . its always about my friends , my parents , for this , for that , for my reputation(okay , like i have one?) , for everything else except for just , me . and me alone. maybe that's why things are so screwed now . i worry too much . and to think , just a while ago , at dinner , i was critisising my sister for caring too much about her weight(she's only 9 , mind you) and what people think of her as fat(???? when she's seriously stick thin) .. i also guess that , its people like me that cause others to be just like me . i mean , i go around , judging people .. when obviously people hate being judged , especially if its in the negative way . and then , it only makes them insecure , and they start caring more about what others think . im just gonna screw that . everyone is beautiful :)
so maybe , i should just stop denying . NO WAIT , i WILL stop denying . because , its true , they* are just distractions. and i guess God didnt let me off easy this time . i guess , He wanted me to learn . the hard way .
